No News

I have been trying for quite some time now to come up with a cheery post. Here is the truth, I am still grieving for what I thought my adoption would be like. I had this perfect picture in my head of traveling in the late summer and having a few extra weeks of maternity before a new school year started. As much as I try to cling to the small chance that could happen, I am no longer in denial. I will not be bringing my daughter home this summer. That is the first time I have said it out loud. In fact, as the days tick by, the reality that my sweet Annie Margaret will be home for my only sibling's wedding in December seems more unlikely.  Every night my thought is, well no referral again today. I have tried to take my mind off of adoption but I can't. I eat, breathe, and sleep for my child. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed, blessed beyond belief but my heart aches for my child.

These past two weeks something wonderful did happen- I have be virtually introduced to several new  Ind*a adoption moms. For the first time in a long time, I feel a sort of comfort. So for those of you I have recently come into contact with, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Some days I wake up and think here I go again another day of no news, then I get an email or FB post. I am not the only one out their who is longing. The list keeps growing.  I pray for each of you, as I know you do for me. I can't wait until I can have Annie M in my arms at a get together.

The country that I fell in love with almost three years ago has changed their process so much it is in recognizable. I have to trust my Lord that He will guide me to my child. I still have hope my country has not changed. I trust my agency is doing all they can do for me.  In the mean time, I wait, I pray, I keep on living.

Comments

  1. Peter and NancyApril 17, 2013 at 8:50 PM

    Waiting is just hard! There's no way around except all the way through it. Glad you're in the company now of other folks who understand . . . I know that's kept me going through the rough patches, and I am so grateful to be connected with you as you wait!
    Nancy

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  2. UnknownApril 18, 2013 at 7:34 AM

    Colleen, it breaks my heart that you have to go through this waiting and disappointment. We must trust in God with all our hearts, this is where faith really gets tested. The adoption road is an emotional roller coaster and there is no getting around that fact. We all pray and await for Annie Margaret to come into our lives. You are a strong, strong woman and you have my total support and I love you with every ounce of my being. Remember what we talked about, you have to be able to withstand this process and know that God's got this and I ask our Dear Lord and Blessed Mother for their intercession. I love you, Jesus watch over you! Mom

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  3. KristenApril 18, 2013 at 7:42 AM

    Here's a positive thought - you will be an EXPERT at handling trials and tribulations when this is all done. Not what you wanted to hear, right? I know- believe me :) I'm just trying to make you laugh. I'm pretty sure adoption is up there when it comes to refiner's fire because you are tested, broken, shaken, discouraged and tried in SO MANY ways during an adoption. But, it will all be worth it when you finally have your daughter in your arms and I think it's probably similar to childbirth because you *forget* the level of pain you went through. I'm so glad you've connected with other moms because they truly are a LIFELINE!!! It's very comforting to be able to talk to people who *get it* and don't think you are crazy for the intense longing you have for your child.
    You are in my prayers....Much love and many hugs to you sweet friend!
    Kristen :)

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  4. UnknownApril 18, 2013 at 11:55 AM

    It is true what Kristen says, our adoption journey all in all took 5.5 years but when my son leaped into my arms and shouted mommy mommy these years were immediately erased and replaced by an immense feeling of happiness. Your day will come and you will be a great mom!

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  5. CristyApril 18, 2013 at 3:35 PM

    Hang in there honey! I wished I had something comforting to say, but waiting is really really hard. I believe there is a child who is meant to be yours at the perfect timing. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. MiaMyIndianAngelApril 18, 2013 at 6:28 PM

    As a teacher, I had the same plans.. plans to use my summer break in conjunction with maternity leave. Even though we have a referral and had hoped to travel by summer, it most likely will not happen for us either. I was upset about it for about a week. Then I realized, there isn't anything I can do about it. Unfortunately, it is what it is but you are not alone. :) Stand on God's promises and KNOW He has the perfect child in mind for you - and He's weaving that path in your tears, fears, joys, highs and lows. He is working on your behalf and hers. Praying for you!

    ReplyDelete

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